


From His Dark Place

by Living_On_My_Own



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24682663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_On_My_Own/pseuds/Living_On_My_Own
Summary: He looked at all the dancing beautiful people, having fun. All of them having a partner to love. All of them probably feeling full. Full of love. But, who would be there to make him feel like that?
Relationships: John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

3rd person's POV:

He sat at the bar, for the countless time of the month. He asked the barman a drink. The man drank his alcohol, thinking about how lonely he was. Because, that's all he could think about these days. He was lonely.

He looked at all the dancing beautiful people, having fun. All of them having a partner to love. All of them probably feeling full. Full of love. But, who would be there to make him feel like that?

He drank the rest of his drink, planning on leaving. He couldn't handle it. The memories of this bar we're too much. The pain was unbearable.

He was just an ordinary man. Well, he thought of himself like that. He wasn't ordinary at all, but he couldn't see it himself. He hated himself, all because of him.

Before he could get up and leave, he heard the voice of someone talking to him.

"Hey! Can I buy you a drink?"

The man talking was pretty handsome. He had long light brown hair. His smile was adorable, a little gap between his two front teeth.

"Uh, I don't know. I-I was leaving." Freddie stuttered.

"Are you sure?" He insisted.

"O-okay then, just a beer."

Freddie sat again on the chair. The other man sat beside him as they waited for their drinks.

"So, what's your name?"

"Me? Uh well, it's Freddie. Freddie Bulsara. You?" He said shyly.

"John Deacon." The man smiled.

"Tell me a bit about you!" Freddie said.

"I'm 24 years old. I play the bass. I'm a big big fan of music. I like disco a lot." He said cutely.

While John was talking, Freddie kept thinking. Thinking that, no matter how hard he would try, he couldn't have John. The younger man would leave as quickly as possible when he would see the real him.

"Freddie?" The younger man said.

"Oh y-yes, sorry."

"By the way, Freddie, I think you're very handsome." John said smiling.

The older man blushed, not used to be complimented.

"Thank you. You are too John."

"Thank you! It's your turn to tell me about you!" John said.

"There's nothing interesting about me, really."

"I'm sure it's not true. What are your hobbies. Where do you come from? Did you study in something? Anything really!"

"I'm 29 years old. I play piano. I studied in art. I really enjoy Opera and Rock. I love to paint and draw. I actually don't come from here. I come from Zanzibar, in Tanzania. The music is like my buoy, it's what makes me live." The dark haired man said.

"Why does it make you live? What if you didn't have the music? How would you be?" The younger said, a bit concerned by the last sentence of the other man.

The pianist looked at the other, not knowing what to say. He couldn't just say it, like that, to a man that he only just met. He shook his head, his eyes glued on the floor.

"I-I've got to go." He said before walking quickly to the exit.

The bassist followed him, seeing that there was something wrong. He took the wrist of the other, stopping him from leaving. Freddie turned around to look at John. His eyes were shining, but not from happiness. Tears made his vision blurry.

"If you really want to leave now, it's okay. I just need your number. You can't leave like that without giving it to me." The young man said.

Freddie took a little piece of paper from his pocket and a pen, that he intended to use for drawing, and wrote his number on it. He was slightly shocked that John asked him to give it. He gave him the paper.

"Thank you!"

John hugged Freddie, thinking it would make him feel better, and it did. Well, at least a bit.

"Thanks to you John."

Freddie left, waving his hand at John. He didn't look back, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep himself from walking back to John. It would just hurt him more.

Freddie's POV:

His words kept echoing in my head. I couldn't get them out. The image of him, yelling at me, appeared at every hours of my day. He was right. He always have been.

\---

"Yes! I've been cheating on you! But I don't give a fuck!"

I listened to his words. Bill. An other one that betrayed me. Never changed, never will.

"You know what? There's a reason that nobody wants to be with you. You're a problem, a burden. Always asking for attention, always crying for nothing. You're a failure. That's why your parents can't even look at you anymore. They're ashamed of you, can't even call you their son anymore. People prefer to get away from you to be happier. You make everyone miserable." Bill said.

People around the bar looked at us. I looked at the floor, knowing he was right. What could I say at this point? I could only agree with him.

My parents wouldn't talk to me anymore. I told them I was gay. My father told me I could never be loved properly. How do you react to that? They complain about me wasting my life.

Bill's words have always been like knifes. I didn't want to be with him, but I had no one left. I was too desperate. Asking for just closure. For love. But maybe I didn't deserve it.

\---

How do you get up after that? How do you get over it? The only answer is that you don't. It's been almost a year and I still couldn't forget it. His words left scars everywhere on my body.

Two weeks later

Why did I even think he wanted maybe to go out with me? Why did I even think he could like me? I was stupid again, thinking someone wanted me for real this time. But it was the same as every time.

I heard the phone ringing. I answered. It was his sweet voice.

"Hey Freddie! I'm sorry I didn't call earlier. I wanted to ask you if you'd go on a date with me?" He said.

My breathe hitched in my throat.

"I- Uh- Yes!"

A smile appeared on my face.

"What about I pick you up at 7 tonight?" He asked.

I nodded, but quickly realised that he couldn't see me.

"Perfect!"

A few hours later

I heard him knock on my door. I got nervous all of a sudden. What if he didn't like how I was dressed? What if he realised he didn't really wanted to go out with me?

I managed to remove all those thought from my head and I opened the door. John was standing there, smiling. He had a bouquet of dark red roses in his hands. I smiled at him.

He gave them to me.

" You really look handsome tonight Freddie." He said making my heart flutter.

"T-thank you, you really are too." I smiled.

"Let's go now?" He asked sweetly.

I nodded smiling.

I thought he was gonna take me to a restaurant, or something like that.

"Do you trust me?" He asked.

"I guess so!"

He put a blindfold on my eyes as we sat in his car.

"Are you kidnapping me?" I laughed.

"Exactly." I couldn't see him, but I knew he was smiling.

We stayed in the car a long time. I really couldn't tell where he was driving us. I was very curious, but he wouldn't tell me anything.

"Be patient! We're almost there." He said.

"You'll learn to know that I'm the most impatient person in the world." I smiled, but quickly covered it with my hand.

"You shouldn't hide it." He said quietly.

"Hide what?" I asked, but I knew what he was talking about.

"Your smile. I think it's beautiful. It just makes you, you. It suits you."

I blushed.

He stopped the car and parked somewhere. He opened his door, but told me to stay inside. I couldn't really go anywhere anyway. He came back after a few minutes. He got me out of the car, still not removing the blindfold.

We walked a few meters. I almost tripped a few times. He was able to catch me before I fell. He removed the piece of fabric from my eyes. There was a blanket on the dirty floor. A few little lanterns all around it. There was a basket with, I suppose the food. I looked slightly up, the sight in front of me almost making me think I was in a dream.

The whole city with its lights. It looked like in a movie. We were on top of a big hill. There were candles everywhere. I looked at John, still gobsmacked. I couldn't believe it.

"J-John, you didn't have to do all that." I told him quietly.

"Maybe not, but I wanted to." He smiled.

Maybe I was so surprised because even from my former boyfriends, I never got so much attention. I didn't know how to react. I wasn't used to it. I've only had a few romantic dinners, they always turned badly. None of them were so special.

John pulled his hand out for me to take it. I did with no hesitation. He walked us to the blanket and we sat on it. He pulled out things from the basket. A bottle of champagne, Moët and Chandon. Two plates of some sort of pastas. I couldn't tell what they were, I've never been a good cook.

He smiled at my shocked face.

"Have you never been on a romantic date?" He chuckled.

"W-Well yes, but not like that. People usually don't spend so much for me. The only time someone took me to a romantic dinner in an expensive restaurant, it was to break-up with me, so..." I laughed a bit and he did too.

"They just all missed out on the opportunity to have someone as beautiful and kind as you." He smiled.

"They don't all think like you. They don't all find me so fabulous. I'm just an ordinary guy." I stated.

He smiled sadly at me.

"I don't think you're an ordinary guy. I can already see it." He smirked.

I smiled feeling all special. I blushed slightly, not used to be so complimented. We started eating our food. How can someone cooked so well? I slightly moaned, because of how good it was. John laughed and I blushed, a bit embarrassed.

"Is it that good?" He asked.

I nodded.

"I don't eat good things like that every day. I can barely boil an egg. It's not hard to beat that." He chuckled with me.

"Then how do you eat everyday?" He asked with a bit of confusion.

"Well, I know how to make a breakfast. I eat my dinner often out or I just try to cook something, that always ends badly. For the lunch, I have a mate that knows how to cook a bit at work and he gives me a lunch most days." I smiled.

"Don't count on me to cook you something decent." I added laughing.

He looked at me smiling with his head slightly tilted. He was so beautiful. His hair flew slightly by the little amount of wind. His lips were a light shade of pink. The color of his cheeks matched the one of his lips. I loved the gap between his two front teeth. I liked the way his mouth moved when he talked. I was already falling in love, no matter how hard I tried not to.

"Did anyone tell you how much you're beautiful?" He asked.

"Yes. A lot of people actually." I smirked.

He laughed, looking for a second at the dark blue sky.

"You. You're the only one who really told me." I said truthfully.

"It's a shame. Everyone is too blind to see it." He said removing some hair from my face.

I blushed madly. I must have looked like a tomato.

"People don't come at me to be with me. They just come to me to have a good shag. That's what I am for most of people. I'm not really proud of my past." I said looking in his shiny eyes.

"Why aren't you proud of it?" He asked.

"I wasn't searching for anything serious. I just wanted have fun. I brought different people at home everyday. Until I realised it wasn't what made me happy. I pay for it everyday. That's what people think of me now. A man that has sex with anyone he can find. A man that is only good at shagging. But it's not great to be known for this isn't it?" I poured my heart out.

"I'm sorry. It must be boring to talk about that for you." I said to him.

"Are you a happy man?" He asked sweetly.

I bowed my head, not wanting him to look in my eyes.

"Not really." I whispered.

"Why?" He asked.

"I've been rejected, thrown around like an object, hurt. My parents never wanted of me. I've been lonely for years. At this point, it's hard to be happy." My voice went more quiet by each word I spoke.

"It doesn't have to be this way anymore." He smiled.

I felt so warm. Love consumed my heart. I hoped he wouldn't leave because of how intense I was. I always fell in love too quickly.

We both finished our plates. He opened the bottle of champagne. He searched through the basket again and got a little chocolate cake from it.

"We'll have to share." He said smirking.

He grabbed a spoon and put it in the chocolate substance. I thought he was gonna put it in his mouth, but he told me to open my mouth. I did and he made me eat the sweet pastry. We both looked in each other's eyes.

"It's so good." I laughed cutting short the romantic moment.

He laughed too. He put the spoon aside to look at me. He passed his hand in my hair, putting it behind my ear. His hand found its way on the back of my head. Before I knew it, there was no space between our lips. We were kissing.

His lips were soft and warm. He had a delicate way of moving them, making me comfortable. Our lips fit perfectly together, like two pieces of a puzzle. I felt full for a few seconds, then he pulled away.

"Already? I think you're a bit too eager John!" I smirked at him jokingly.

"Why aren't you always so confident?" He muttered still playing in my black hair.

I shuggered not looking at him.

"They all used you to push themselves up, but they pushed you down didn't they?" He said like he knew everything about me.

Everytime he would say something, it would be right. Like he already knew me. Each word so truthful, even if he didn't know it.

I nodded.

"Why did you let them?" He asked, slowly getting closer.

"You learn to live with it after a while. I couldn't leave these people if they were the only ones in my life. I always got told I couldn't find someone great, that I didn't deserve it. After a few times, you start to believe it." I explained.

"You shouldn't listen to them. They just say that because they think it'll make them feel better. I know you're a fantastic person Freddie. You deserve the world." He told me.

He took me in his arms. His embrace was comforting and felt safe. I didn't want to ever let go.

"I need to ask you a question." He said after pulling away.

"What is it?"

"Is Freddie your real name? Because I believe Freddie isn't really a popular name in Tanzania." He said.

"Why do you know everything?" I laughed.

"My real name is Farrokh. I kind of want to change my last name too actually. I don't really like it. It's not like my parents would care." I told him.

"What do you want to change it as?" He asked me.

"What's your favorite planet?" I asked, changing the topic in some way.

"I think it's Mercury. I really like the name of this planet." He said.

I nodded smiling.

"What do you think of... Freddie Mercury?" I asked smiling at him.

His eyes went wide.

"It's really great! But, you really want to change your name for that. Like, something from me." He said slightly shocked.

I kissed him. He sat me on his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist. I put my arms around his neck. We pulled away, both breathless.

We both finished our glasses of champagne. We removed everything from the blanket, putting all of it in the basket. We layed on the blanket, staring both at the city and the sky covered in its own blanket of stars.

We were laying each on our side. John approached my body to his. I put one of my hands on his chest. My heart was beating so fast. He put his arm around my body.

"This feels great." I sighed happily.

He hummed, smiling.

After an hour or two, we decided to leave. I was about to clean with him but he told me to go back to the car and let him do it. I sat on the passenger seat. My eyelid felt heavy. I was so tired. I didn't get the chance to hear John come back as I fell asleep.

I woke up as I was shaken a bit by someone. I saw John, trying to wake me up.

"We're at your flat Fred." He smiled.

"O-oh! I wasn't asleep!" I said.

"Of course you weren't." He said smirking, with sarcasm in his tone.

He gave me a hand to get out of the car. I unlocked my door with my key, not really wanting to get back to this cold and black place that filled my head with dark thoughts.

I managed to open the door. I turned over to look at John. I smiled sadly, not wanting him to leave. He took me in his arms. After a few minutes we pulled away.

"I'll call you tomorrow. Let's do this again." He smiled.

I nodded tiredly. He kissed my forehead.

"Bye." I said slightly smiling.

"Bye!" He said waving while walking away.

I watched as his car left my house. A little pain in my heart about seeing him leave. I couldn't wait for his call. I went to bed, thinking about this night that was like a dream. For the first time in a while, I fell asleep feeling happy.


	2. Chapter 2

Freddie's POV:

A few months later

He asked me to become his boyfriend after a few other dates. I said yes with no hesitation. I felt so lucky. How could someone so lovely love me? It felt great, to be finally treated with love. I was more than happy.

We decided that he would move in my flat. It was now our flat. He made me feel so happy. We were sharing a bed. I was like a teenager, experiencing everything for the first time. It was like it was the first time. It was the first time someone loved me.

I was taking a warm shower before John woke up. I wanted to surprise him with a breakfast. I wanted to be clean for him, to smell good. I sang a few lyrics. They were always in my head.

"Hum.. Lazing on a Sunday afternoon... Just an ordinary guy..." I sang.

One day I would write a song about John, and I would sing it to him. I tried to one time. All my words were messy in my head, never mind on a paper. Always came out more sad then I intended to.

"You never told me you could sing well." A voice said, making me jump.

I was cleaning my hair. Soap got in my eyes after jumping of fear. I slightly screamed of pain. It burnt so much!

"John! No! Go back to bed!" I told him.

My surprise was ruined!

"Why?" He asked while he slipped in the shower with me.

"Hmph... I can't tell you." I told him pouting.

"Don't you want me to be with you right now?" He said while he ran his hands up and down my body.

"Go back to bed. Please John..." I told him, a bit desperate.

"Please tell me you won't cook me breakfast! I don't want to end up in the hospital!" He joked.

I got a bit away from him. I walked out of the shower, still not looking at him. I put quickly my clothes on. He called my name when I walked out of the bathroom. I decided to ignore him and I walked downstairs. I was about to open the fridge when I felt arms around my waist.

"I'm still mad at you." I muttered.

"I'm sorry love, I was only joking. I'm sure you'd be able to cook me something fantastic." He whispered in my ear, sending shivers all the way down my spine.

"I wouldn't be." I laughed.

I turned around to look at his gorgeous eyes. He leaned in and kissed my lips delicately.

"I-I want to be really with you. Like, I want us to do it. I'm ready John. I want you to make love to me." I said a bit shyly.

He smiled at me. Ever since we've been together, I wanted to wait to have sex again. I wasn't ready to do it. I was afraid that I would fall back into it and that I would feel the need to do like I was doing before, again.

We got in the bed. We both slowly and lovingly got naked. I felt like it was my first time again. It had been so long. He made me feel comfortable, making sure he didn't hurt me. I could handle more, but I loved how much he cared about me.

\---

We layed on the bed, both exhausted.

"Why did you never tell me you could sing well?" He asked.

"I don't sing that well.." I whispered.

He looked at me with an eyebrow lifted.

"Excuse me? Your voice is fantastic love." He said, looking at me seriously.

I blushed, a bit embarrassed.

"I would have loved to hear it more. I wish you told me. Do you realise how much more of your voice I could have heard? I missed so much of it!" He said dramatically.

"I didn't know it was that important." I smirked, rolling my eyes slightly.

"Of course it is." He smiled.

He kissed my lips. I wrapped my legs around his waist and he put his arms around mine. I put my face in the crook of his neck. I sighed deeply, feeling all warm inside.

I felt loved. It felt so great, knowing he was here and he would be there tomorrow too. I couldn't believe I was actually there, in the arms of the man I loved. I fell asleep after a few minutes of thinking about how much I loved him.

Two years later

Two years and a half since we were together. I finally completed my first song. My first love song. For the man I loved. You take my breathe away. A lot of words, just to tell one thing, I loved him.

I sang it to him yesterday. He smiled at me all the time. When I finished, we told each other we would never stop loving each other. It was a love that lasted forever. It was the first time in my life that I really believed it.

"Johnnyyyyyyyy!" I called for him from the bed.

He walked in the room a few seconds later.

"Yes?" He smiled.

"I missed you." I smiled.

"I've been gone five minutes love." He laughed.

"I still missed you." I pouted.

He smiled and got in the bed, next to me. I snuggled to him.

"I've written new lyrics for a new song that I've been working on for a while." I whispered.

"Sing it to me." He said.

"I go out to work on Monday morning  
Tuesday I go off to honeymoon  
I'll be back again before it's time for sunny-down  
I'll be lazing on a Sunday afternoon  
Bicycling on every Wednesday evening  
Thursday I go waltzing to the zoo  
I come from London Town, I'm just an ordinary guy  
Fridays I go painting in the Louvre  
I'm bound to be proposing on a Saturday night (there he goes again)  
I'll be lazing on a Sunday  
Lazing on a Sunday  
Lazing on a Sunday afternoon." I sang, a bit slower than it was planned to be, a bit like a lullaby.

"That sounds great my love." He smiled before kissing me.

"What do you want to do today?" I whispered.

"I think it's more, what do you want to do today?" He replied.

"Can we just, stay at home and cuddle?" I asked with my most beautiful eyes.

"I can't, love. I'm sorry. I need to go to work a bit today. The boss needs me to plan some things for next week." He said.

"Oh..." I whispered, a bit disappointed.

"We can do that an other day baby. I'll make it up to you. I promise." He kissed me.

He got up to dress and prepare himself. I watched as he put clothes on and put some cologne on his neck. A thing he didn't usually do to go to work.

"Why are putting cologne on? Are you going to fuck your secretary?" I joked.

He laughed.

"Just wanted to smell good when I'll get back home." He said smiling.

I nodded and begged him to kiss me goodbye. He did, then left the room, without saying anything.

"I love you!" I yelled.

He didn't answer. Maybe he didn't hear me. Maybe he didn't care.

One month later

John has been acting weird with me. He's been cold. He's not often at home. The day he left to go work, I called at his office to ask him if he would be there at dinner. His secretary told me he wasn't there. And was never supposed to be.

He was trying to fool me. Telling me he loved me. I asked him about it and he never answered, only ignored the question. I didn't want to think it was true. I knew what was happening. I just didn't want to admit it. To admit that my boyfriend, the person I love the most in the entire world, was cheating on me. Fucking somebody else. Whatever, no matter what words I used to say it. It hurt. So fucking much.

I didn't know who it was with. But he was stupid, thinking he could be subtil. I knew how it worked. It wasn't the first time for me. Leaving early, making himself beautiful, putting cologne, leaving for who knows how long, coming back home smelling an other man's cologne.

I tried countless times to find an other reason these things could be happening. I always came to the same conclusion. My boyfriend was with someone else. And this someone else was probably better than me. Treating him better. Making him feel better.

Today, John came to see me. He said he wanted to talk. I knew it was the time. He was gonna tell. Tell me the reason I've been broken all these years. Doing the same thing as all my other exes. He knew it was still hurting me. He knew I was afraid of him leaving me. And he still did it.

"Fred, I'm so sorry. I really can't hide it anymore. I didn't mean for this to happen. I love you, more than anything and anyone." He said, his eyes were full of tears.

I feared what he would he would say. I already knew what he was gonna tell me. My heart was beating so loudly, I was scared John would hear it. Tears filled my eyes too.

"I've been cheating on you."

It was the starter for my tears to fall. I felt my heart break in two. My breathing got heavy and painful.

"For how long?"

It was the only question I could bring myself to ask.

"It's been happening for one month." He said calmly, but the pain was still visible on his angelic face.

I turned around so he couldn't see me. The tears fell even more on my face. I couldn't find a word. My heart ached. I thought that he would be different. I thought I meant enough to him so he would be faithful to me. I thought I wouldn't have my heart broken again.

"It just started and I didn't know how to end it. You're the one I love Freddie. You've always been, okay? I love you, so much." He said.

I couldn't keep my sobs for myself. I felt him approach me. I felt the warm of his body around mine. Why did I ever fall in love again? It always happens.

"What is it that I do wrong?" I asked, my voice cracking.

He held me tighter.

"No, no. You're doing nothing wrong love. I promise okay? You're perfect." He whispered.

"I must be doing something wrong if it always happens. What is it? Am I not enough? Do I fall in love too quickly? Am I repulsive? Am I too demanding? Too emotional? What am I doing wrong, John?" I cried.

He tried to make me feel better. Taking me in his arms. Kissing my head. But it wasn't doing anything. It was happening all over again. It wasn't stopping. An endless loop of sorrow and pain.

"You did nothing wrong okay? I swear baby. It's not you."

I hated this sentence: 'It's not you.'. How do you want me to believe that? It's been me since the beggining. With everyone I met, it was like that. It could only be me.

I was destined for this life. This painful and heartbreaking life. This feeling of dizziness hit me. I turned around. I looked at him in the eyes. He eyes were sad. How could he not understand.

A wave of rage hit me. I screamed of anger. It was only directed at myself. I picked up a chair and threw it across the room. It was like a fire was consuming all my body, making me uncontrollable. Objets flew through the room. John looked at me, still standing in the same place. He looked terrified. Why wouldn't he be?

I ran upstairs, my hands tangled in my long and wavy hair. The fire in my body soon was transformed in rain. The anger transformed in sadness. The tears soon fell again on my face.

I entered the bedroom. I closed the door behind me. The thought kept getting in my head. The worst ones. I sat on the floor, my back against the door. Why wasn't it ending?

I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked.

I couldn't answer. I didn't know. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't know what was the right thing to do.

"Do you want to leave?" I answered.

"No. Of course not." He said.

I got up and opened the door. I took him in my arms, wanting the feeling of comfort reaching me again. I just felt cold. He whispered sweet nothings in my ear, thinking it would make me feel better, but it didn't. Did he say this to the other man too?

We both decided to go to sleep since it was already late. John spooned me. Did he do it to the other man too? I didn't sleep well, if I ever did.

When I woke up, I prepared myself to go to work. John was still asleep, I didn't want to bother him in his peaceful sleep. I ate and walked to work as quickly as possible.

When I arrived to the shop, Roger greeted me happily. He hugged me and I hugged him back, with a bit less of happiness. He looked quite confused for a moment, but quickly figured out that I was having one of my bad mornings.

"Did anything happen?" He asked sweetly.

I nodded, my lip began trembling as I felt myself starting to cry.

"Oh... Fred, come here." He said opening his arms to me.

I hugged him as hard as possible. I began sobbing quickly, trying to let out all the pain.

"What happened?" He asked.

"He's b-been ch-cheating on m-me."

"Who?!" He said.

"My boyfriend." I sighed sadly.

"Who's your boyfriend?"

"He's c-called John. John Deacon." I whispered.

I felt him get away from me. My heart started aching a bit more. He wouldn't look at me. He started placing some clothes properly were they needed to be.

"What?" I asked sadly.

He sighed heavily.

"Fred... I'm- I'm the one who- who's been with your boyfriend." He stated.

I felt my heart break again. The tears quickly ran down my face. He looked at me with empathy. I didn't want any empathy.

I felt him embrace me, maybe to make me feel better. How could it work? I wanted to scream again. I wanted to turn everything upside down. To break everything.

" I didn't know he was your boyfriend. I didn't know he even had a boyfriend. I swear, I wouldn't do that to you." He said quietly.

I nodded, knowing I could trust his words.

"Maybe you should go back home. Take a day off, relax a bit. Okay?"

I nodded again. I didn't know if I even trusted myself to be home alone, but I gave in. I took my things, walked back home.

My heart kept hurting. He knew what I've been through. He knew I still didn't get over it completely. He knew I wasn't back to my old self. He knew I was still blaming everything on me. But maybe he didn't care.

John wasn't home. He was obviously still at work, or fucking someone else.

I went to the piano. Did what I loved the most. Music. I played a little sad tune. I always liked to write things. Maybe I could write a song about all that. Getting it all out of my heart.

He unlocked the door after a while. I heard him walking to the living room.   
How could I bring it up?

"Hey, love!" He said softly and smiling a little.

I looked at him.

"Hey." I whispered.

He took me in a hug. I tried not to break down again.

"Roger?" I said quietly.

He sighed.

"Out of everyone in the whole world, you had to take my best friend?" I asked.

"I told you Fred, I didn't mean for this to happen. It just did." He said like it would change anything.

I looked away from him, knowing I would start crying again.

"You promised me John. You said you wouldn't be like them. You said you would love me more than anyone could ever love me. You said you wouldn't break my heart." I said while my heart shattered.

"I never wanted to hurt you in any way baby. It was all a mistake. I'm sorry I did that." He said.

"I-I need t-time." I whispered.

"W-what? No! We can work it out! I swear I'm never gonna hurt you again. Please Fred, don't leave me."

"I've poured my heart out to you. I gave you all the love I had. I trusted you, believed you, loved you. I thought you wouldn't be like the others. I-I'm sorry. I j-just need time." I said as my voice cracked.

He nodded silently, looking broken. He took me in his arms again. Gave me a kiss on the forehead. He went into our room, took some of his things. I sat on my piano bench, watching him walk away from me. Even if I was the one making this decision, it was too much to handle.

After a few weeks, John had tried to take me back, giving me little gifts. Lots of letters. I didn't open one. A few bouquets of flower. A few other things. He didn't stop calling me. I never answered. He knocked on the door a few times, I acted like he didn't.

I wanted to give in. I wanted to go to him and make everything work in a fraction of second. What if he did it again? I was scared of it happening again and again.

I was like a robot. Living without feeling anything. Doing my job and then coming home to eat and sleep. I didn't do anything more. Roger tried cheering me up, it didn't really work.

While I was at work, one day, I was serving a woman, telling her what she should pick for her party. And it all came to me at once. It hit me, like a truck would. I wasn't good enough for him too. I would have chosen Roger too. I wouldn't have chosen me.

I was about to leave the shop. Roger stopped me to talk to him. I just walked away as he called my name. I couldn't talk to him. I couldn't face him, knowing he was the one the person I loved wanted the most.

A Friday night, John called again. It made my heart ache, but I answered the call. He asked me to just meet me again. To let him get forgiven. I accepted, not being able to say no.

The next night, I dressed up a bit. I didn't know how to act with him. I was nervous. So nervous. He knocked at my door. I opened it. He had dark red roses in his hands. I thanked him for them. I put them in a vase.

We got out of the house. He put a blindfold on my eyes. We got in his car. The same scenario, but with a broken heart. He drove for half an hour. We didn't talk. I could feel my eyes stinging.

After that, he left the car, leaving me in it. He came back a few minutes later. Took me out of the car. I almost fell a few times again. He made sure I didn't. He removed the blindfold after a few minutes

My eyes filled with tears. The same scene. The same blanket. The same food. The same drink. The same persons. The same love? Obviously not. I loved him even more, but I couldn't tell for him.

He gave me his hand. We sat on the the blanket. He got out two plates of pastas, which I still didn't know the name. He got out a bottle of Moët and Chandon. A few tears left my eyes.

We ate in silence. My heart was about to explode. I didn't know if it was from pain or happiness. I couldn't tell anymore.

When it was the time for the dessert, he got out the same cake. He looked at me in the eyes. He took the only spoon. He took a piece of the chocolate cake. He fed it to me.

Nobody said a word. My heart kept beating loudly. I was afraid he would hear it. He ate a bit of the dessert. I took the spoon away from him. I did the same that he did for me. I fed him.

When we finished to eat, he cleaned the blanket from the plates. He cleared his throat as if he was going to start talking. I looked at him quickly.

"I know, I'm aware that what I did is unforgivable. I know I hurt you. And I don't want you to think that it's not affecting me, because it is. The last week's have been horrible for me too. It's been torturing me, knowing I hurt you. Knowing you may be all on your own. Or just sad. Because I love you. More than anything. You're my person. You're the one I want to spend my whole life with." He said, looking in my teary eyes.

"I've had time to think about it you know. To think about what I could have been doing wrong. Trying to remember everything I did, everything that could have make you do this. A-and I just f-finally understood t-that, maybe the only problem is that I-I'm maybe not good enough. Because, why would you choose s-someone like me if you could have someone like, like Roger." I said in a whisper.

"N-no! No! Fred! You've always been enough! There's nothing wrong about you. You can't blame yourself for my own mistakes." He said to me.

"Maybe your mistake was to ask me on a date." I said.

"If it was the mistake, we wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't be doing this. I want to be with you forever. I love you, so much. That's why I want to ask you this. I don't know if it's the right time, maybe I'm all in the wrong, but whatever."

He got out a little black velvet box. He opened it carefully. A shiny diamond ring showing. A couple of karats maybe. It must have cost a fortune. I looked at him, my eyes wide.

"N-No. I-I don't want you to regret it afterwards. It's not meant to be for me." I said quickly.

"It's been for you since the beggining, and it always will. Fred, will you marry me?" He asked me.

I got up, taking a step backward. I watched as he hands trembled. A few tears started falling on my face again. I felt my heart betting even harder. I couldn't believe it was happening. I didn't know yet if it was a good thing or not.

"John, y-you can't give that to m-me. It should be for, I don't know, R-Roger. H-He deserves it more than me." I rambled.

He got up from his place. He walked over to me.

"It's for you, and you deserve it. We don't have to have our marriage in a week. It can be in five years if you want to. I just want you to take it and put it on your finger." He said.

I looked at his eyes. Proposing on a Saturday night. Ever since I wrote those words, he remembered them and made sure to do it right. I looked at the view of the city. Could I even live normally without having him with me?

"I-I can't say no." I said slightly trembling.

"Hallelujah!" He yelled throwing his arms in the air.

I laughed with him. He slid the ring on my ring finger. He kissed me immediately. It lasted long, neither of us wanting to let go, but we had to breathe. We went to lay on the blanket, both of us looking at the stars.

"Last time, you told me you would change your name to Mercury. What about Deacon now?" He said smiling.

I nodded, the smile never leaving my face. He put my head on his chest. I wrapped my arms around his torso. He held me in his arms. I felt content and full, in the arms of the person I was meant to be with.

"I love you baby." He whispered in my ear.

"I love you too."


End file.
